What is the right way to my right weigh? I know according to weight charts I should weigh between 110 - 130 pounds, due to my large boned frame of 5' nearly 1' height and age of 49. Today I didn't weigh myself, but yesterday I did. 254 pounds.
Today is Friday the 13th of April and I am embarking on a journey to realize the Right Weigh. I am setting a course to eat only when I have true hunger and push food away before stuffed. That is where the Right Way comes in. I believe Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. I am a Christian of 31 years. My spiritual Birthday is June this year. I know that my current condition is not God's design for my life. He gave each one of us a free will. I have chosen to binge and live a mediocre sedentary lifestyle.
Will you join me to find our the Right Weigh? Are you in the same boat? Join me in this journey.
Pouring My Heart Out – April 13 2012
I woke up before 7 a.m. this morning to find my mind active and alert. My thoughts lead to the desire to change and become the person God designed me to be. In Christ are the words I heard watching Joyce Myer’s sermon called Stolen Identity. In Christ. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He doesn’t want me to spend another minute wallowing in self pity, regret, shame and guilt. I don’t either. Enough is enough. I have been at this door step so many times, “wanting to change”. Daily I scheme about ways to transition from sedentary, TV addicted, food binging, self serving habits. How do I become the BEST God Designed Me? How do I die in the foundations of obe(die)ence.
In all this, Divorce, Empty Next and Grief, I relocated two times from my home of 14 years in Michigan. First to Arizona and next to Washington.
This leads to being OBESE. Okay, when I left Michigan I weighed 208 pounds, still overweight, but I was happy about it. I smoked at the time, but I had lost the weight before I took up smoking for a year and a half. Smoking is another story. Since my Westerly move I packed on 62 pounds, tipping the scales at 270. In the last year I had lost 32, but now I have gained back 16, which is half of my recent “get it together” HEALTHY success. My healthy weight should be 110-130 pounds.
MY DREAM! I will finish the sentence. My DREAM is to get to a healthy weight of 125. I weighed that in High School and once again after having my Son Nikki when I was 22. I haven’t been close to that weight since 1989 when I weighed 139 after having my daughter Kori. I worked hard to get there too. Then I gained up to 190 before I was 30. I got back to 160, but kept yo-yo-ing up and down the scale, until I finally breached 200 pounds. Shocker! I must have weighed nearly 220 in 1995 when I signed up for Weigh Down. In the course of 12 weeks, I lost 60 pounds by obedience to this plan of eating only when I was truly hungry, stopping before full and crying out to God when tempted. I weighed 160 and was wearing sizes 12’s and 14’s. It was so nice, but eventually I cast off restraint and I crept back to the 200’s. In 2003, I got divorced. I thought I would become my true skinny self, but no. I ate myself stupid and peaked up to 270 by 2004. It was crazy. I returned to weekly counseling and nutritionist visits. I lost 62 pounds by the fall of the same year, stabilizing between 208-218 pounds for a while. This is my timeline of success and failure. Recently, I was so happy to weigh 238 when went to Florida. I was in the best shape in recent years. I was strong, because of working out a gym. I maintained this weight for months, but the last two months I have not exercised at all and I have been binging nearly every day.
So my thoughts today lead me to Vectors. This is an aeronautic term used by pilots to set and reset the course of flight. The earth is curved. They have to set their course to follow the curve or they would fly out of orbit. I am so out of orbit. I am miserable concerning my lifestyle, yet I can’t seem to break out of it. I have been here so many times before. I don’t want anyone to see me. I don’t care. I don’t want to feel anything. I am just numb and dumb. I hate not caring and I know deep down I do. I am angry, very angry. The bible says, if you hang out with an angry person, you become like them. I have lived my life with people bent on anger. Here’s the list: My dad, my mom, my ex-husband and now my current husband. I am angry too. I was angry in High School at my sister a lot. I am sorry Terri. I was so jealous and messed up.
I rarely express anger. I am probably a perfect passive aggressive personality, but I eat my anger. Why am I so angry? Well for one thing, I am truly angry about choices I have made to not get up off the couch and get my life back on track. If I stay numb and sick, I can remain in this rut of self pity, obesity and couching. I know the Lord has not designed me to be this way. I am not going to crawl out of this mess over night, because we reap what we sew. I have not sown anything lately. I started off the year in a good way. I weighed my 238-242. That is after losing 32 pounds. I worked out at a gym. Something happened and I can’t think of the specific thing that leads to the demise of my increased activity. I got a job, and I didn’t like it. I had interviewed for a job at a flower shop, but I was under qualified for the position. I jumped the gun and quit my current job. Another factor was, not being in good enough shape so my knee gave out on me. Considering, not being able to work because of my lack of discipline and physically being overweight really depresses me.
We went on vacation drive to California and back the end of March for a week leading to April. It was great trip with my husband. I ate less than I was, before leaving. No Binges. I lost about 6 pounds, but after getting home I ate myself stupid and I gained back 6 pounds binging my Easter weekend away all alone. I don’t do well alone.
Vectors, back to Vectors.
· Every day eat only when hungry
· Stop before completely full (pleasantly full)
· Eat 50% vegetables and fruits
· Exercise 30 minutes per day
· Go to bed before 11 p.m.
MY dream ME!
· Goes to BED with Husband before 11 p.m.
· 6 a.m. Wakes up. Make a pot of tea and have prayer time with the Lord.
· 7 a.m. Off to the Park to walk 1 hour.
· 8 to 8 30 a.m. Eat a lovely healthy breakfast.
· 9 a.m. One hour of cleaning.
· 10 a.m. Work on projects 10 am – 1p.m. (3 hrs)
· 1 p.m. Eat a lovely healthy lunch. Exercise 30 minutes (Clean, dance , walk in the neighborhood, Walk up and down the stairs, Ball, weights and band, video)
· 2-5 p.m. Back to projects ( 3 hrs)
· 5p.m. Start Dinner / Eat Dinner (NO TV during meals)
· 6 – 7 p.m. Go for walk at the park after dinner with Dave.
· 8 or 8 30 p.m. Home from walk Fun Time/ relax / continue projects.
This is an Extreme dream day plan but could be realized.
